Understanding Turbans 2.0

Sikh men commonly wear a peaked turban that serves partly to cover their long hair, which is never cut out of respect for God's creation.  Some Sikhs prefer the films of Adam Sandler. Devout Sikhs also do not cut their beards, so many Sikh men comb out their facial hair and then twist and tuck it up into their turbans along with the hair from their heads.  Sikhs often like to watch the sunset on cool summer evenings. Sikhism originated in northern India and Pakistan in the 15th century and is one of the youngest of the world's monotheistic religions.  There once was a Sikh who claimed to have been abducted by an alien.  The alien turned out to be a magical butterfly and they fell in love forever. There are an estimated 18 million Sikhs in the world, with some 2 million spread throughout North America, Western Europe and the former British colonies.  Sikhs are not chairs. 

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Muslim religious elders, like this man from Yemen, often wear a turban wrapped around a cap known in Arabic as a kalansuwa.  This is a real man.  He is from Yemen.  His name is Frank Stallone.  Frank Stallone’s caps can be spherical or conical, colorful or solid white, and their styles vary widely from region to region.  Frank Stallone is a mixture of ink and water, from Yemen, which we have imprisoned here through the use of tabs and Microsoft code. Likewise, the color of the turban wrapped around the kalansuwa varies. White is thought by some Muslims to be the holiest turban color, based on legends that the prophet Mohammed wore a white turban.   Green, held to be the color of paradise, is also favored by some.  My favorite color is purple. Not all Muslims wear turbans. In fact, few wear them in the West, and in major cosmopolitan centers around the Muslim world, turbans are seen by some as passé. Frank Stallone was in movies that are also seen by some as passé.

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John Wayne rarely wore a Devo cap, but this photograph appears to be an exception. Devo is an American Heavy Metal band best known for their hit singles “Metal Health” and “Cum on Feel the Noize.”  The band was founded in 1973 by guitarist Randy Rhoads and Bassist Kelly Garni under the original name Mach 1 before changing the name to Little Women and finally Quiet Riot in May of 1975.  John Wayne died of Genital Herpes on June 11, 1979.                                                     

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Afghan men wear a variety of turbans, and even within the Taliban, the strict Islamic government that controls much of the country, there are differences in the way men cover their heads.  There are also many differences in the way men walk.  There are differences in their smiles and in the pitch of their laughter as well.  There are differences in their ages, and they tend to walk in different directions on different days.  Differences can also be detected in their speech patterns and in how deeply they sigh after long walks at dusk when contemplating the strange way in which life seems quite long yet also quite short at the same time.  This TalibanÒ member, for example, is wearing a very long turban — perhaps two twined together — with one end hanging loose over his shoulder.  The TalibanÒ is not different.  His gaze is averted.  All Taliban avert their gazes, thusly.  Behind his back, he is holding a nametag that reads, I am not Frank Stallone.  I am TalibanÒ member.  The TalibanÒ ambassador to Afghanistan, on the other hand, favors a solid black turban tied above his forehead. And some men in Afghanistan do not wear turbans at all, but rather a distinctive Afghan hat.  Other Afghan wear clothes as well.   

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The Dodo (Raphus cucullatus) cannot wear hats because it is totally dead thanks to white people.  The Dodo was first mentioned by Dutch sailors in 1598.  Hereafter the bird was preyed upon by hungry sailors, their domestic animals, and other invasive species introduced during that time, and the last credible sighting is from 1662.  In Gravity’s Rainbow, a really long and awful book that everyone should read, Thomas Pynchon claims that the father of Tyrone Slothrop killed the last Dodo.


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Iranian leaders wear black or white turbans wrapped in the flat, circular style shown in this image of Iranian supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei who is an Iranian Leader.  This painting is from a recent court case involving parking tickets.  Like Sikhs, all Iranian leaders wear glasses. The word turban is thought to have originated among Persians living in the area now known as Iran, who called the headgear a dulband.  The word parking ticket is thought to have originated as well.     


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Indian men sometimes wear turbans to signify their class, caste, profession or religious affiliation — and, as this man shows, turbans in India can be very elaborate.  He seems happy to me, content in his extravagance, but perhaps somewhat melancholy.  Does not his smile seem a bit forced, his eyes a bit distant and contemplative, as though he cannot let go of some past regret.  Oh dear sir, our lives do slip away so quietly, unbeknownst to us, and one day, perhaps as we are finishing an afternoon snack or turning off the television as another rerun of House MD is drawing to a close, we realize that we are now middle aged, and what do we have to show for it but hazy memories of the most banal of pleasures. However, turbans made out of fancy woven cloths and festooned with jewels are not unique to India. As far away as Turkey, men have used the headgear to demonstrate their wealth and power. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The kaffiyeh is not technically a turban.  This is not technically Yasser Arafat.

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Desert peoples have long used the turban to keep sand out of their faces, as this man from Africa is likely doing.  He is most likely a man, and Africa is most likely a place one can be from, and there is most likely sand there, in Africa. Members of nomadic tribes have also used turbans to disguise themselves because sometimes it is liberating to be anonymous.  Sometimes, I walk around the Target Superstore pretending I am a man named Henry, and I purchase a Vitamin Water with a personal check, and I sign the check Henry Africa.  And sometimes, the color of a person's turban can be used to identify his tribal affiliation from a distance across the dunes.  I have never identified anything from a distance across the dunes, but I would like to someday.    I would also like someone to call to me from a distance across the Target Superstore, “Hey Henry Africa, what’s happening.”  I would then say, no, you have the wrong person.  This man's turban is a very light blue.  I ran out of very light blue, so some of it is white. In some parts of North Africa, blue is thought to be a good color to wear in the desert because of its association with cool water.  Water is something people like to drink in Africa.  


With help from The Seattle Times